Operation: Kill a Mutant Bug
by Zodiac Sefirosu
Summary: Semi-crack. Genesis has learned one thing today, kill any insect in Shinra before Hojo sees it. Rated T due to a comment from Sephiroth.


The black-haired SOLDIER known as Zack wandered through the halls of Shinra tower, kicked out of Sephiroth's office after annoying him for a bit too long. The man with the mentality of a puppy sighed, not knowing what else to do since there were not any missions available at the time and he had already finished the paperwork for that day. A surprised-sounding scream caught his attention, however, and he headed towards the source of the noise, which happened to be Genesis's room.

He stopped outside the door to the redhead's room, debating whether or not he should go in when he heard sounds like a fight and fireballs hitting the wall coming from within the room. Eventually, curiosity got the better of him and he opened the door, immediately widening his eyes at the abnormally-messy room. The first thing he noticed was the bookshelves that Genesis kept meticulously organized were knocked over, leaving the books upon them scattered across the floor. There were also several scorch and slash marks on the floor, walls, and even some on the ceiling. His eyes widened even more when they fell on Genesis, though. He was shivering slightly as he crouched on top of an office chair in a way that would not knock it over, eyes darting around the room as he clutched his copy of Loveless like it was a sword, last of all, he was half-naked, his crimson trench coat abandoned on the floor. "Um…Genesis, whatcha doing?" Zack asked while looking weirdly at the SOLDIER.

"Well, Puppy, I was planning on having a peaceful afternoon curled up on my bed with a book, but clearly one of Hojo's abominations thought otherwise." Genesis replied while turning around without leaving his perch.

"Okay, well why don't you just kill it?" He said while moving to follow the redhead's gaze.

Said redhead snapped his head towards him with a menacing glare fixed on him. "Don't you think I've already tried that?"

Zack turned his gaze away from the man and looked at the various marks around the room. "Well, it certainly looks like you've tried."

"I have, but my fireballs simply bounce off the little beast and my sword will not work on it for some reason."

"So…where is it?" The black-haired man asked while looking around the room.

Genesis tipped the chair back without falling off. "Ah, now there's the problem. I'm not sure where it went."

He turned back to face him. "What do you mean you don't know? You were just fighting it, weren't you?"

The First-Class SOLDIER scratched the back of his head. "Erm, not exactly fighting it, more like spazzing out over it."

"Huh?" Zack said while tilting his head to a side. "I can't imagine you spazzing out over a monster."

"Well, that's because the thing snuck up behind me and flew into my trench coat!" Genesis yelled as a slight blush of embarrassment rose on his cheeks while he looked at the coat on the floor he threw off.

"_At least now I know why he's half-naked." _He thought to himself. "What are we even looking for here?"

"A giant cockroach about the size of those toy dogs some people like."

Zack put his hands on his hips and looked at him weirdly. "Are you…serious?"

"I am being quite serious, Puppy. This thing is a nuisance and I think it is stalking me. It's already crawled on me four times." He said while bringing his book closer to him protectively as he said the last part.

"Okay, so do you have any idea where it might-" Small spasms ran through his body involuntarily as he felt something crawling up his leg before he started running around the room. "Getitoff!Getitoff!Getitoff!" He yelled hurriedly.

"Well, I would if you would stop moving!" Genesis replied as he chased him around the room with the book raised.

Eventually, Zack decided to stop abruptly, causing Genesis to smash into him and fall back on the floor, before hurriedly throwing off his pants. The black-haired man hugged himself. "W-what did you think it was trying to do? D-do you think it was going to cut me open with its antennae and lay eggs in my stomach?" He asked while squirming at his imagination's thoughts.

"First of all, Puppy, that monster does not have saw blades attached to its antennae, so it cannot cut you open with them." He began while sitting up as Zack let out a sigh of relief upon knowing he was not going to become a mother anytime soon. "Second of all, it could probably inject its eggs into you quite easily." He said with a smirk, causing the other man to start squirming again. "Lastly, you doing that made us lose it." He said as he gestured to the abandoned pants that had no lumps in it.

"Um, sorry. Can we please go ask for help now?" Zack asked desperately while clasping his hands together, not eager to have eggs injected into him anytime soon.

Genesis sighed, not particularly eager to ask for help, but seeing no other choice. "I suppose so. It doesn't look like we'll be able to find it anytime soon." He said while heading out of the room, Zack following after him on the way to Sephiroth's office.

The silver-haired warrior sighed as he signed the sheet laying on the desk in front of him, ready to incinerate the paperwork out of annoyance Zack caused in him earlier and just being tired of filling it out. A sudden knock at his door caught his attention and he looked up from his desk before resting his chin on his hands. "Zack, I swear if that is you, I will shove this paperwork so far down your throat-"

"Hold it, Sephiroth." Genesis replied hurriedly. "He's got someone with him."

Sephiroth just groaned softly at still having to deal with him twice in one day before saying, "Come in." He instantly regretted that decision when he saw the condition the two SOLDIERs were in, Genesis only wearing pants and Zack wearing dark blue boxers with yellow chocobos on it and the top part of his uniform. He opened his mouth for a few seconds, then closed it and repeated the process several times while trying to figure out what to say. "I do not have any lube you can use, so go away." He informed them with his normal stony face.

"W-what?" Genesis exclaimed while backing away from his childhood friend before noticing that they had forgotten to put their discarded clothes back on. "It's not what it looks like, Seph."

"That is the only way I can think of it as, unless Zack here tricked you into a game of strip poker and you have come crying to me about it. Though, that is implausible considering what I have heard about Zack's poker skills."

Suddenly, Zack rushed at him and grabbed him by his collar. "Help me! I don't wanna have bug eggs injected into me!" He yelled while shaking the general.

Sephiroth blinked at the nerve of the younger man before pushing him off of him by shoving his hand against his face. "Since this does not look like one of the Puppy's normal spaz attacks, I suppose I will go see what is bothering you two so much."

Zack clapped happily while hopping in place before grabbing his arm and dragging him back to Genesis's room, the redhead following behind them while shaking his head.

The silver-haired man scanned Genesis's room with his eyes, searching for the creature Zack told him about on the way there. He reached his hand into the air and caught the insect as it was about to drop into his hair. He brought it down to look at it while squeezing it in his hand. It looked like an average cockroach, except it was about the size of a Chihuahua and the back of its carapace looked shinier due to becoming tougher and being given the ability to reflect magic. He dropped it before quickly squishing it with his boot. "You two idiots are going to pay for cleaning my boot." He said while trying to remove his boot from the gum-like mako blood that oozed from the body.

Zack scratched the back of his hair in embarrassment of being shown up so easily. "That.. seemed a bit easy."

"Killing things the old-fashioned way is normally the best, and in this case only, way to kill them. Also," He paused as he handed Genesis the boot covered in green goo, the man holding it slightly away from himself. "you would be surprised as to how many insects Hojo has gotten a hold of while I have been growing up here." He told them before leaving the room wearing just one boot.

Genesis stood there and thought about what he said, figuring that the mad scientist had even set a day or two aside to go and acquire more specimens, insect or otherwise. He then set the boot down, planning on taking it to the cleaner's as soon as he accomplished what he had planned on doing before this mess started. He grabbed a book and laid down on his bed before noticing Zack was prodding the roach corpse while looking at it curiously. "Puppy, what are you doing?"

"I wanna see where the eggs are at." He said as he examined what was left of its stomach.

"Zack, I was just ki-" He broke himself off from admitting he was teasing him about the eggs as he thought of a more sinister thing to tell him.

"What was that Genesis?" He asked as he looked up at him.

"Oh, I was just thinking of how that roach can shoot its eggs out at people even when it's dead." He said with a completely serious face before grinning as that comment had Zack running out of his room as fast as he could, forgetting to take his abandoned pants with him. He curled up on his bed happily before opening the book where he had placed his dumbapple bookmark and beginning to read.

* * *

Note that this is based on a true story that happened to me at three in the morning except the cockroach(s) were not mutated and I only had a nightgown on. Also, this may or may not stay as a one-shot if I ever decide to put more of my insect disasters up.


End file.
